I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
