sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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