i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
