low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
