he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well you can't waste a boner
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
