Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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