Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
