I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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