A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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