meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
