It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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