I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
