STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
