I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
