can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
