I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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