I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
