its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
