As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
