Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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