I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
