Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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