I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
