I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
