he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
