As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
