he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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