READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
