NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
