Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize