I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You took a bar mat shot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
