I heard we made out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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