The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
