yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
