if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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