this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
