dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize