Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
