You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
