I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
