Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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