there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize