i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
