he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
