bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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