apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
