Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
