elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
