Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
