none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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