id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
