I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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