Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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