I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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