NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize