my phone needs a breathalizer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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