I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
