I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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