It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
