Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
