I want to make a zoo with you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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