I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
