OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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