so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
