i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
