highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize