Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
