I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
PS: I just woke up from my shower
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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