I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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