oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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