Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize