Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
