Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize