Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
