dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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