Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
