I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
