there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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