Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
